Through your casual lounging, your quiet presence, your mysterious stare you reel in your victims and spoil their feelings of gratitude (articulus).
And while you innocently sit there, does your very existence not stand to contradict the very spirit of thanks which is being celebrated (interrogatio)?
You hypocrite! Impostor (exclamatio)!
Evil black and red ink cursing the whole land with a nasty spell of want and greed (hyperbole)!
My vision blurs over the red word sale, my thankful red heart tries to resist, my thankless hand draws a menacing circle with a red felt-tipped marker (traductio).
Another day of wanting.
Another turkey eaten in vain.
Another holiday hijacked (anaphora).
And will the madness ever stop? Of course not. We politely gave you one day and you greedily now take two (subjectio).
Black Friday, you should lose your association with Thanksgiving. Why? Because you contradict everything it stands for and impede on the thankful spirit that unites the nation. You transform once humble and domestic people into deranged, wild beasts that trample each other to satisfy the craving for a good deal (ratiocinatio).
I desire not your blood thirsty sales and late night shopping, but your offering of an evening Thanksgiving family tradition of marking your smooth pages (correctio).
I have never actually been to a Black Friday sale before, but have only seen and heard what is told by other and portrayed in the media. It must be crazy and hectic to some extent, and I have heard about people being trampled (as you mentioned), but I can't tell what is true and what is an exaggeration. That's the scary part. What you said and the way you said it was both interesting and comical to me, but the scarier part is the chance that I am smiling at something horrible that is not all just hyperbole. Still, nice presentation. It was fun to read!
ReplyDeleteTrue that, Thomas. I think you definitely created a downward-slope plot map with your post. At first it was exaggerated and funny (exclamatio and hyperbole paired with alliteration), but at the end, the truth drops on us like a ten-ton weight: Black Friday is the very contradiction of Thanksgiving, yet it is piggy-backing and even now consuming the day by reinforcing greed. Niiiiiiice job.
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