Final Exam Essays: Alisa Hulme

Short Essay:
          In the biblical account of the war in heaven, the greatest difference in the two, presented plans was the idea of agency.  As the plan that favored agency was selected, you are free to “choose this day” whether you will “serve the Lord God who made you” (Moses 6:33).  With the ability to make choices, there are inevitably different sides striving to persuade man one way or the other.  Neither the side of the Lord nor the devil has the ability to physically force man to follow them.  However, both sides use rhetorical tactics to accomplish this purpose.

          The devil chooses to employ flattery, logic, fear, deceit, and an appeal to man’s natural tendencies to “lead away the hearts of the people” (3 Nephi 6:16).  The Lord also uses rhetorical techniques, often presented through scriptures and modern day prophets.  Occasionally, these techniques involve more extreme means, such as Christ driving the moneychangers out of the temple.  However, it is often through “the small and simple means” that God accomplishes His purposes (Alma 37:6).

          Augustine, one of the great rhetoricians of the 4^th Century, converted to Christianity.  In his piece, “Of Christian Doctrine,” he discusses the importance of having an eloquent and capable preacher to expound upon and preach the word of God.  Though he focuses on the vitality of rhetoric in portraying religious ideas, his own conversion was prompted by the voice of a young child singing the lyrics, “Take up and read.”  He understood this simple declaration to be God prompting him to read the Bible.  This experience is what led to his further conversion (learn more).  If a mastery of rhetoric is what causes conversion, how could the untrained and unintentional words of a child make the difference in Augustine’s religious choices?
          Christ was not an earthly king who gave national speeches, but rather a humble carpenter who often gave individualized sermons.  While Christ and many of His leaders in past and present dispensations do employ, whether consciously or subconsciously, rhetorical techniques, God has in place another rhetorical device, of sorts, that acts as a trump card.  In this sense, the importance of typical rhetorical skills is often given more credit than needed in a religious sense.  We are taught that it is the Spirit that provides “the power of God unto the convincing of men” (D&C 11:21).  This is what is taught to our modern-day missionaries as they attempt to fight God’s battle to win the souls of men.  It is not through fancy rhetoric, “Bible bashing,” or the doctrine itself that will truly convince (convert) people.  Rather, a spiritual confirmation through the Spirit has the most powerful impact. 

Short Rhetorical Analysis:

            In the second and third chapters of Jacob, Jacob is speaking to the people of Nephi, the men, women and children (audience).  He is addressing them at the temple following the death of Nephi, their beloved leader and prophet (kairos).  He begins by establishing his ethos by acknowledging that his authority was given him by God, that he was coming to them in total humility, and reminding them that he has magnified his calling in the past.  Throughout the piece, he continually acknowledges the importance of God’s power in helping him to present the message (supernatural).  He also continually quotes God directly and indirectly (authority).

            Though primarily speaking to the men, he begins by apologizing for having to speak such harsh things in the presence of women and children, creating pathos for the husbands and fathers.  He reiterates this point at the end as well (coenotes).  He continues by talking about how the Nephites previously prospered in the land and were favored of God, but have since lost that favor and committed sin (past/future fact).  He states that the people should seek the kingdom of God before they seek riches (parallelism). 

            After explaining their sin of pride, he “must speak of a grosser crime” (degree).   In speaking of their fornications, he poses many rhetorical questions such as, “Do you suppose that God justifieth you? (anthypophora).  He explains that they explain themselves based on what has been written concerning David, but argues that his actions offer no justification for their actions (similarity/difference).  Referring to them as needing to “awake from their slumber” (metaphor), he compares them to the Lamanites—even claiming that they are more wicked than their enemies (juxtaposition).

            Following his chastisement, Jacob arranges his speech in a way that then addresses the atonement.  After discussing the possibility that they have for change, however, he ends with emphasis on his most powerful point.  He again brings up how their actions are hurting those who they love (cause/effect).  By describing how the husbands should love the wives and the wives should love the husbands (syncrisis), he ends his sermon by calling the Nephites to action.

The Impact of Editing: Would 'a rose by any other name smell as sweet'?

            Editors are hired by just about everyone, making their ability to perform for a wide spectrum of audiences, in a plethora of genres, pivotal.  Just think about it—your favorite Harry Potter book, this month’s edition of Sports Illustrated, the local news report, a descriptive restaurant menu that paints a picture of your impending meal, textbooks and academic essays, the advertisement for the latest and greatest iPhone that everyone will own within days of its release, or the little tag on the inside of your sweater that tells you to ‘wash on delicate cycle’—editors have been there, influencing just about every aspect of society.  While many see them as behind the scenes specialists of grammar, the alterations made by editors have a profound impact on the pieces they work with and society in general.  Though editing techniques have changed throughout the ages, at times, the contributions of editors are even more influential than those of the original author.

Annotated Working Draft of Final Project/Hot Spots in Editing

Component Assignment:

1. Communication and Persuasion in Editing
   Editors must be able to communicate in all fields, as they are hired by just about everyone. They use both verbal and written forms to communicate with and between writers, editors, and publishers.  Persuasion is used both in helping the writer produce a rhetorically successful piece and persuading people to make changes to their work.
2. Storytelling in Editing
   I gave an example story about how an editor can work with a writer in the brainstorming process as well as creating a piece that is grammatically correct and what the publisher desires. I also explained how editors work as a liaison between the writers and publishers to produce the most successful product.
3. Editing within the History of Civilization
   In the earliest days when oral communication was the main form used, scribes were responsible for transcription and inserting grammatical elements.  Scholars have used multiple early manuscripts to compile them into one, cohesive document.  Now, with the development of printed text and technology, editing is more standardized.
4. Institutional Authority and Communication
   I discussed the Modern Language Association, an organization focused on the study of language.  Through handbooks, manuals, and annual conferences, they are able to discuss, modify, and distribute a standardized form of English, grammar, and formatting.

Hot Spots:

Hot Spot #1 (in the field):  I like the concept that editing is applicable and needed in all fields of work.  In this post, I list many things that editors have a hand in and how they have to be a jack-of-all-trades.

Hot Spot #2 (history):  I think the concept of historians compiling manuscripts to produce the most "correct" form is interesting.  For example, I talk about how all of Shakespeare's pieces were recorded and published at a later date--leaving the authenticity in the hands of gifted editors.  How does this effect the credibility of a piece?

Hot Spot #3 (authority):  English has no overarching governing organization--leaving each different field to its own rules and regulation.  Would it be a good thing to have a sanctioned law when it comes to language, such as they do in other countries (like France)?

Institutional Authority and Communication in Editing

An academic is interested in writing and producing a book that describes his new philosophy relating to literature.  They come to an editor in search of help and advice in the development of this book.  Concerned with formatting, grammar, and presentation, they hope that the editor can help them in getting the book published and making it a success.

Completely unaware of many of these writing processes, they have a conference with their hired editor in order to better understand what they are to do and the procedure behind it.  They are also interested in knowing of the editor’s credentials. 

“So, tell us a little about the structure and style that you think we should use for the book.”

“Well, you may have heard about MLA formatting.  It is a standardized way to document and cite your book as well as gives good rules as far as the writing process goes.  MLA stands for the Modern Language Association and is focused on the study of language.” [1. Authoritative Organization]

“Where could we find these guidelines that are produced by MLA?”

“MLA has numerous sources.  There are many examples of their work that are published in academic journals.  However, I think you would be more interested in the handbooks and manuals—both of which can be found in print and online.” [2. Regulating Standard]

“So this is a well-known, reliable organization?”

“Yes, MLA has been around since the 1800s.  Members of the organization are generally trusted academics, professors, and language professionals.  In fact, they attend a national conference once a year in which they work on publications and discuss regulations.” [3. Influential Event, 4. Authoritative Publication]

“Wow, they’ve been around a long time.  I want our company’s book to be totally up-to-date.  How can I be sure that it will sound current and be in a format that is relatable to the contemporary reader?

“Well, that’s the great thing.  At these conferences and through committees, MLA is able to constantly change regulations.  Upon discussion, standards are changed to better fit the times, while still maintaining the credibility of standardized English.” [5. Challenging Authority/Changing Standards]

Biblical Eloquence in Genesis 1

As Moses is depicting God’s creation of the earth, he employs many stylistic techniques that influence the reading and understanding of the events.

The whole chapter is set up as a division of the creation as a whole into smaller sections (merismus).  The sections are numbered and labeled as days (eutrepismus).  While it is assumed that God did not literally create the earth in seven 24-hour periods, the use of this simplification allows readers to better understand the concept in their own terms.  The divisions are also helpful in that it demonstrate God’s logical plan and execution.

The chapter also includes a plethora of parallelism.  For example, verse 7 reads, "And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament."  Moses uses a similar tactic with employing opposites such as "light" and "darkness," "day" and night."  By doing these things, it expands to the reader the magnitude of God's creations and makes a more comprehensive image of His actions.

Another example of eloquence in presentation is found in repetition (epistrophe).  The phrase, "...and it was so," is repeated in 6 verses within the chapter.  After God desires and plans to create something, the verses indicate that it happened.  The immediacy of this declarative statement adds to the implied impact of God's word and power.  Following the creation of certain things, the Lord looks back on His creation "and [sees] that it [is] good."  This affirmation is also repeated numerous times.  By employing this repetition, readers are constantly being reinforced with the idea that God's creations turned out as desired and are "good."  More meaning comes into play with repetition as the concluding verse of the chapter varies slightly.  After God's creation of man, He states that "it was very good."  The variation implies that man is God's greatest creation and gives the reader a better sense of his own value.

Editing Within the History of Civilization

As long as there has been written text, there have been individuals to make corrections to ensure its accuracy and suitability based on context.  In the early days, when stories were passed on orally, those who eventually scribed the information would generally not have exact quotes, forcing them to depict things to the best of their knowledge and ability.  More exact manuscripts were produced when the writers would verbally relay their ideas to scribes for immediate transcription.  However, the scribes were still responsible for inserting grammatical elements, such as the correct punctuation.

At a later time, though not formally referred to as editors, scholars had the responsibility of compiling and comparing all of the earlier manuscripts.  Their goal was to produce a reliable and complete text based on the multiplicity of manuscripts and their understanding of the history and language.  The most influential and well-known example of this would be the Bible.  Another example is Shakespeare.  No authentic manuscripts of his plays survived, leaving the production of them in the hands of gifted “editors” who retransmitted the pieces based on a thorough understanding of Shakespeare’s works.  It wasn’t until 1552 the first developed study of the methodology of textual criticism was produced.  It was at this point that “editors” were given a more technical standard for their work. (learn more)

With the development of printed text, there has been less of a need to compare and compile manuscripts, as publications are more easily standardized.  This has shifted the role of an editor to primarily the technical aspects.  An expert in the field explained that, in recent years, the most striking development has been the effect of computer technology.  The basic tasks of editing, solving problems in the use of language and the set of mechanical items like punctuation, have changed very little.  But, computers have made it easier to show those problems and the suggested solutions to authors.  The speed of the publication process has also increased considerably.

Detention and Me

First Version: Working the System

Kairos/Audience: I often tell this story to close family and friends to emphasize how I brown-nosed my way through high school.

We were taking a test, a practice ACT, I believe.  The room was silent as an anxious group of sophomores endeavored to take the exam for the first time.  About halfway through, with already sweaty palms, caused by the stress of the questions, one of my nightmares became a reality.

“In this crazy life, and through these crazy times, it’s you, it’s you; you make me sing.  You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.”

My Michael Buble ringtone had betrayed me.  Completely paralyzed with embarrassment and fear, I sat.  Thirty seconds.  THIRTY SECONDS.  Mr. Wood did not stir until the entire ringtone had passed.

“Bring your phone up, you can get it from the vice principle after class,” was all he said.

Okay, one—that’s ridiculous.  He had to have been the only teacher in the school who gave such an extreme punishment for something so small and unintentional.  At any rate, I had a humiliating walk to recover the phone and was given a week of after school detention to compensate for the drop in my citizenship grade for the class.

Me?!  Detention?!  I didn’t even know that detention was a thing.  I thought it was only a thing in movies.  And, crazy enough, the scene that I walked into the following day mirrored the most stereotypical of movie scenes.  Paper airplanes being thrown, students sitting on desks—I didn’t recognize anyone there, they were definitely not the “honors class type.”

As I walked in, I knew I could get out of it.  I was well versed in brown-nosing.  So, I sat in the front row, perfectly organized the homework assignments I had designated to do for the hour, and diligently worked—completely ignoring the circus that was ensuing behind me.  At the end of the hour, I smiled and thanked the teacher who was overseeing the detention.  As I walked out, he stopped me.

“Why are you here?” he asked, completely confused.

With the sweetest voice, that couldn’t help but cause sympathy, I explained how I had been “unjustly” treated.

He proceeded to sign me off for the rest of the week, making my five day sentence a mere day.

Second Version:  True to Who I Am

Kairos/Audience:  A young women lesson on the power of having a positive attitude in the midst of adversity.

I had just started at a new school where I knew no one and no one knew me.  I was taking many hard classes, Mr. Wood’s Honors English was the hardest class to ever be created [hyperbole].  English had always been my best subject—a place where I could shine.  However, my desire to create a personal identity among these new peers was shattered the third week of school in this, the very class where I wanted to establish myself.

My phone accidentally went off during class, an offense that caused me to earn a week of after school detention [cause/effect].  I was mortified.  I was going to have a terrible reputation.  What was I doing at this place?  I felt that I was losing my identity—the straight A’s student, student government member… [ellipsis] who was now the detentioner [anthimeria]? While my old “accomplishments” were not obvious, I knew that I still had a choice in my attitude. [past fact/future fact] I prayed that my true self would be able to shine through this difficult situation [the supernatural].

As I attended the first day of detention, I decided that I would look at it as a good opportunity to work on homework—some specifically designated time.  I tirelessly worked the hour away.  When the time was over, I thanked the teacher at the front of the room, sure that he didn't want to be there as much as I didn't.  Upon observing my decided diligence and admirable attitude [alliteration] during the hour, the teacher did not make me finish my “sentence”.

Personal Stories Catalog--Alisa Hulme

1.  Building a rocket in my high school physics class that didn't fly, but was absolutely beautiful! [high school, science, fail].  I tell this story because it's funny--showing how incompetent I am in science.

2.  Preparing for and running a half marathon. [running, determination, goals] I think I tell this story to brag (because that's what everyone who runs races does, right?) and because I love running.

3.  Absolutely hating the piano and then having to learn and love it. [mom was right, piano, mission] I tell this story to friends who have seen the major change in my feelings toward the piano.

4.  Brown-nosing my way out of detention in high school. [goodie two shoes, detention, high school] I tell this humorous story to demonstrate the importance of attitude while giving people a laugh from the irony.

5.  Getting my hair stuck in a weed-eater and acquiring a massive bald spot as a result. [weed-eater, bald spot, men's hair restoration formula]  I tell this story because it's hilarious and super embarrassing.

6.  Walking home late at night on campus and terrifying a complete stranger because I thought I knew her. [dark, oops, sorry] I tell this story because it's funny and I actually made a friend out of it.

7.  Rewriting all of the signatures of my second grade classmates because I didn't think their handwriting was good enough. [elementary school, handwriting, little me]  I tell this story because it shows a quirk in my personality and highlights one of my talents--calligraphy.

8.  Accidentally taking too much prescription cough medicine and passing out in a McDonalds parking lot. [passed out, McDonalds, my bad] I tell this story because it's shocking and totally against my nature...and also is really funny.

9.  Chipping my front tooth while working for my lawn care company. [chipped tooth, hysteria, lawn care] I tell this story because it highlights my summer of owning a lawn care business and it is really dramatic.

10.  Choosing to switch high schools an go where I knew no one because I felt I was supposed to. [high school, spiritual, friends]  I tell this story because it was a cool spiritual experience where I showed faith and was blessed.

Storytelling in Editing

Foreword:

As an editor, you learn to tell stories to identify problems and propose a solution.  This can be done through writing—both giving a summary at the end of a document and the proofreading marks throughout.  Or, the account can be related in person—often to the actual writer and/or the organization that will be supporting or publishing the piece.  The initial stories or criticism are often written in solitude, to be read in the future.  However, the oral feedback is generally done in person on a one-on-one basis, though occasionally is presented in a larger conference setting.  The purpose of such communication is to relay your professional opinion regarding a piece and work to produce the soundest, most effective and complete final product before publication.

I have elaborated on several scenes from the movie “Elf” to highlight how an editor could have resolved many of the problems facing Walter Hobb’s book publishing company.

Example Story:

Let’s say that the writers working for Walter Hobbs have come to you for help with brainstorming and editing their first drafts of a book.

As I’ve looked over your most recent drafts, it seems that you are struggling to look past the idea of writing with fruit as your protagonists.  What is your purpose of using this technique? (response) Okay, in that case, let’s continue with this idea but develop the story line a little differently.  I would bold more of the words that you think are important, so that the children recognize them.  I also would rearrange the sentence structure of the first paragraph.  As you can see here, I’ve marked up the text—changing some of your word choices into words that are better understood by children.  I think with these changes you’re piece will be more likely to be published.

Analysis:

This is a typical session that an editor can have with a writer.  Generally having already read the manuscript, the editor comes with advice and uses the opportunity to discuss elements in the piece that could use improvement.  There has to be a careful balance of persuasion—as the editor is essentially pointing out that the writer has made errors in his creative endeavor.  It’s important to be sensitive to their ideas while making their piece more suitable for the publisher.

Retelling the Story:

Let’s say that Walter Hobb’s has asked you to evaluate several of his company's book projects in order to make them better for publication.

I’ve noticed that your book publishing company has been falling behind in sales recently.  From looking over several of your most recent projects, I have discovered errors that, if corrected, could improve the success of your publications.  There seems to be a lack of attention in the production of the books themselves.  The recent one about the puppy and the pigeon was misprinted, leaving the last two pages out.  By working more closely with the printers and binders, you will increase sales.  Your choice in bringing Miles Finch recently to help inspire your writers was a good one, however, I have worked with them to change the direction of his story about a peach.  While it teaches good morals, it needed to be more accessible to your children audience.  I have gone through and simplified the text and displayed it in a more intuitive manner.  Are there any other requirements that I can introduce to the writers that would help this book be more fitting of your publication standards?

This is a typical conference with a publisher.  Following the writing process, the editor works as a liaison between the writer and publisher as well as imparting their own opinion.  The publisher has voiced concern and the editor has proposed solutions to improve the quality of the piece and its marketability on a more technical level.  The focus is less on the actual wording and subject, but more on the success of the publication as a whole.

Rhetoric and Persuasion in Editing

           Have you ever had a paper due that you had a friend look over and review before you turned it in?  I’m the friend that everyone brings said papers to.  I say everyone, but that really only includes the brave.  A perfectly crisp and cleanly displayed essay seems to be massacred in red marks when it’s returned from a session with me.  Revision is a useful and common practice that can significantly improve the final written product.

            Since the creation of the written language writing has, been used as perhaps the most common form of rhetoric next too speaking.  Even in todays digital and media-dependant world most of the ideas, have been recorded in writing either before or after hte fact.  While writers have the unique opportunity too directly use they're writing to persuade their, audience it is the job of an editer to ensure the success of there attempts.

            Was my ethos brought into question by that last paragraph?  That's what I thought--editing makes a difference.

           Editors are hired by just about everyone, making their ability to perform for a wide spectrum of audiences, in a plethora of genres, pivotal.  Just think about it—your favorite Harry Potter book, this month’s edition of Sports Illustrated, the local news report, a descriptive restaurant menu that paints a picture of your impending meal, textbooks and academic essays, the advertisement for the latest and greatest iPhone that everyone will own within days of its release, or the little tag on the inside of your sweater that tells you to ‘wash on delicate cycle’—editors have been there, making sure that the desired intentions are realized. 

            At a base level, they create ethos for the author—making sure that they employ the correct version of there/their/they’re.  However, from the initial brainstorming sessions, to the structural planning, researching, and revision—editors are hired as masters of rhetoric and language.  In this sense, editors are forced to employ rhetoric in more than just the written form.  They have to be able to verbally communicate with the company, author, and publisher—all of whom are generally opinionated individuals.  Editors then act as the mediator between the three, making sure that the final product fits the expectations of the production as a whole.

           In essence, to be an editor, you have to be a jack-of-all-trades in your communication.  You need to be well versed in linguistics and English, obviously.  But, you are also in advertisement, broadcasting, book publishing, journalism, business, law, and about every other profession in the world—depending on the type of project you sign on to.