These Boots were Made for Thanking

My One True Love

There're so many boots to choose from!!!

What more can a young woman ask for than that magical cloth to enfold the feet? [Interrogatio/periphrasis]  With soft, supple, smooth, silky, sinful suede [alliteration] her soles [synecdoche] she enrobes [anastrophe].  Oh boots!  [Apostrophe] Weaving your magic from toe to ankle to Achilles, to calf, even to above the knee [blazon] —Oh, the joy of the above-the-knee boot! [Aposiopesis]  Boots are every woman’s joy.  I, as a young woman, own thousands of these joyous pairs, every last one a deeply held treasure [hyperbole].  From my patent leather Ralph Lauren riding boots to my soft, pine-green Uggs with usuable side pocket to my short ombre Lucky Brand tie-ups [Demonstratio], the number of boots I own is no small feat [Litotes].  And every pair is a soft, fluffy cloud of fashionable condensed water [Metaphor].  My feet are the happiest [Personification] when tucked into the cloud of a pair of my many wonderful, lovely boots. [Metaphor].  I give thanks to boots.  I give love to boots.  I give my heart to boots.  I give my whole soul and everything inside of me to boots. [Anaphora/Climax].  I yearn for my next pair that I will buy someday in order to increase my love.  My thanks will increase as my pairs increase.  My love will grow as my collection grows.  My soul will expand as my assortment expands. [Parallelism]  Like a new child added to the family, boots only expand my capacity to love, not diminish the love I have for my other pairs [Simile/Contradiction].  Black Friday, I look to you to expand my love with your lovely prices on my one true love—boots [Apostrophe]!