Music moves me. I have played the cello for many years, I don't know why I've stuck with it, really it isn't rational. I won't ever be able to provide for my family since I'm not choosing to be a music major, it just takes up time to practice and play in the symphony orchestra here. Time is precious, I need it to study and work, why would I use some of it to sit down and play music when I won't be pursuing it professionally? Because it feels good. When I was 15 I played in the Utah Youth Symphony and we performed a song called "Danzon no. 2" by --. In the last 1/4 of the song there is a crescendo in the piece where everyone in the symphony is playing as loud as they can with all of the emotion they can muster. The moment we arrived at that part in the piece I felt the most incredible sensation; I felt as if I was lifted up, I felt a weightlessness that made me feel like I and the rest of the group was floating in the air. It was almost spiritual, there I was with a group of people working together to create something beautiful, useless, really, but beautiful. The only moments that have produced feelings that equaled that moment have been deeply personal and spiritual. It is for that reason that I continue with my irrational decision to play the cello today, even though I have no time, and it will take me nowhere. We all do irrational things because of our emotions, but that doesn't make them excusable if they're bad as Gorgias proposes, but I like to think that not all irrational decisions are bad decisions. If you have a few minutes, go ahead and listen!
In case you are interested, the part where I felt like I was
floating starts at about 7:45 until the end. (Notice how much the musicians are moving.)
I enjoyed reading the first part of your blog especially. In high school I took up the sport of boxing. I quickly came to more fully understand what you taught. My trainer taught me that no matter what happens, "its always your fault. Its ALWAYS your fault." He would say, "if you get hit in the face, no matter how precise and no matter how fast the punch was, it's your fault." He even would say, "if this roof fell in on top of us right now, its your fault. You should be aware of everything around you. You can only control yourself." This is in line with the gospel. We are agents. Any time we put blame on anyone besides ourselves we choose to give up our agency and become objects. Great song too!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what you said about irrational decisions are not always bad. I often notice in my own life that when I make a quick change in my plans, it is often to make minor changes that in the end will better my situation. It could be as little as spending more time doing one homework assignment than anticipated, but I spend that extra time and sacrifice sleep and leisure activities to hopefully get a better grade.
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