I'm sure we all chuckled when, in the popular Disney movie Tangled, Flynn Rider pokes fun at Rapunzel, who is torn between obeying her mother and leaving the tower to chase her dream. However, haven't we all at some time or another been torn about what to do? I had such an experience last night.
I met a cute girl a few days ago, and we decided to hang out on Labor Day. With a day that included her making me lunch and dinner, playing beach volleyball, loads of flirting and laughing, and her spoon-feeding me ice cream, I was persuaded that she liked me and that it was time to make it known that I shared similar feelings.
Since we were watching a movie, I figured holding her hand would be an appropriate expression of affection. After counting to ten thirty times or so I decided to go for it. However, even though all communications between us throughout the day, verbal and non-verbal, pointed towards the idea that she wanted to share such an experience, she continued to sit with her arms folded tightly across her lap. She would occasionally smile at me as if to encourage me to try, but the arms stayed in the same position.
I was internally conflicted. I struggled to understand, if she wanted to hold hands, why was she making it so hard? Isn't in a girl's job to put her hand on her knee? Was I misreading signals? Was she just messing with me? The movie ended, and we were in the same position we started in.
From this experience I learned that we are constantly communicating. Body language, tone of voice, and words said (and not said) are all persuasive forces that contribute to causing us to lean one direction or another. I couldn't determine the kairos, and as a result I (literally) went away empty-handed.
I think that this goes to show that no matter how powerful communicating without words can be, sometimes verbal communication is essential to guarantee that we are persuading our audience of the message we were intending.
ReplyDeleteNext time just go straight for the kiss. It's the best type of persuasion there is. Not really. It really is fascinating how much we use non-verbal communication in relationships these days. I sometimes over analyze the use of emoji's in my texts.
ReplyDeleteWhen one form of verbal communication breaks down, another channel of communication may be open. I read this next to a girl, and after I chuckled at your story, she had me explain it to her. Her opinion is that you should have put your arm around her! I'm honestly not 100% sure how that applies to persuasion, but I think it's great advice for many of us who find ourselves in the same position.
ReplyDeleteOften, I think that we don't even realize our own body language, but we are constantly sending signals. I imagine that your female friend did understand what she was doing, but in our daily lives we all revert back to traditional ways of expressing ourselves through our bodies. Sometimes we don't seem to send a great message, though it is subconscious. Maybe we need a class for body-language and civilization.
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