Cracking Up With Persuasive Power

When I was about 10 years old and had entered the armpit of the educational system (otherwise known as middle school), the good old gullibility jokes were trending. "You know, if you say the word "gullible" reaallllyyy slowly, it sounds like you're saying "orange!" "Oh hey guys look, somebody wrote the word "gullible" on the ceiling!".

As the self righteous pre-teen that I was, during dinner one night, I began telling my family all about how gullible the students in my classes were.

"Thank goodness I'M not that gullible!" I exclaimed.

For a few moments, everyone continued enjoying their meal. And then my mom turned to my dad.

"Hey honey...did we celebrate crack day this year?"

My dad responded, seemingly concerned. "No....I think we've forgotten it the past few years!"

"What's crack day?" I demanded, full of teenage indignation. If I had been missing out on something, I wanted to know about it.

"Well," my mother replied, "you know that babies are born without a buttcrack".

My siblings and I gaped across the table, aghast.

"Yeah, haven't we talked about this?" My dad continued with the air of one discussing the weather. "Babies don't have a crack until a few hours--sometimes days--after they're born. Katelyn, I think yours was the day after your birthday...isn't that right, sweetheart?"

My mom nodded affirmatively. "You see, babies don't develop their crack until they've had their first...ahem...bowel movement".

This was new information to myself and my three younger siblings. The conversation that followed was a combination of us kids being disgusted and slightly fascinated, as well as us insisting on knowing when our crack days were.

"Can we have CAKE on my crack day?" my younger brother asked.

"Of course!" My parents beamed.

I'm ashamed to admit that it took a few weeks for me to realize that my parents had made the whole thing up. My total naivety, coupled with their confident affirmations and ability to come up with stories together out of thin air, meant that I spent a good while wholly convinced that babies were born single-cheeked.

Moral of the story: use your persuasive powers for good. Or to embarrass your children when they later ask their friends when their crack day is.