Whether Facebook Creates Friends or Fools

"As the scale of the balance must give way to the weight that presses it down, so the mind yields to demonstration." (Cicero)

Can Facebook communication really demonstrate friendship to others? 

            I stared at the keys of my laptop. What should I say? This was it, the most harrowing experience for a Latter Day Saint, that moment when a Facebook “friend”—who is also “Latter Day Saint”—posts an attack against our faith on their Facebook feed. A member of my congregation was basically saying, “I quit; religion is stupid.” There I sat, slouched over my laptop awaiting inspiration.

           

            Obviously, the most important thing was that he knew I cared about him. I also knew that, in general, he wasn’t very fond of church leadership. So, I typed my comment carefully and awaited his response. I waited for days, but I didn’t see a thing. Had he not logged into Facebook? Why wouldn’t he check this post daily (if not hourly) on such a heated topic? After all, there were dozens of comments beside the one I made. Still, there was nothing.

           

            I decided to talk to this “friend,” and I made sure to do it in person. I reached out with a simple act of service—taking him some doughnuts that were leftover from an office party—which he happily received. Doughnuts in hand, he let me into his apartment and we were able to have a caring conversation about his concerns. I left that night as his friend, not just his “friend.”  

           

            Lesson learned: nothing replaces a genuine, personal demonstration of friendship (aka: an act of service).

     

      

            Now, on the other hand, I know Facebook has major advantages. Facebook helps us connect with individuals across the nations who share interests. Facebook is a tremendous asset when inviting “friends” to important events (like weddings). Facebook provides the opportunity to share with “friends,” immediately, the things that are important to you (like when McDonald’s puts the McRib back on its menu). But, from my experience, there are Facebook “friends,” and then there are friends that also use Facebook. How you demonstrate your friendship makes all the difference.

            I’m obviously not a duke, and that friend is certainly not an emperor, but this quote from Montaigne summed up my experience well: "the emperor was so pleased, that, ravished with the generosity of the action, he wept for joy, and immediately extinguishing in his heart the mortal and capital hatred he had conceived against this duke, he from that time forward treated him and his with all humanity." (Montaigne)