That we may be openly committed

Ambiguity has recently become a substantial part of my studies and ponderings. It seems the more I learn of something, the less sure I become of that thing; always more questions and always less satisfied with answers. First, I chalk this up to age. I have lived through more experiences and have learned the fallibility of sources I trusted unconditionally.

I have loved it.

My intellect is stimulated by asking myself "why", again, as I did as a child. I have had debates and conversations with professors who also ask why. Specifically, I have taken this attitude to my study of the gospel. One professor in particular has indulged my desire to look for possible answers to a question I have. We looked at many possibilities, and I'm sure could continue if I needed to, but after my first few visits to his office I had a possible answer to the question that I really liked.

I repeated this pattern over and over, searching for an answer and settling for something that seemed to fit.

But I felt myself hardening to other possibilities. I didn't really listen when others disagreed with me, because I liked what I had. Perhaps the difference of my childhood and adult curiosity is my willingness to accept the answers to questions. And then I embraced ambiguity.

"In principles, great clarity. In practices, great charity." -Cheiko Okasaki

The balance I am looking for now, is somewhere between the complete trust I had in adults as a child and the need to question everything that I feel today. And wherever I fall I need to both remain humble and faithful in my convictions, but also understand that others have answers of their own, and deserve for their opinions to be respected.

I feel that a little bit of this idea that you can still be comfortable with your convictions and understand where others are coming from is getting lost today. There is evidence in politics and religion and sports that we are uncomfortable even listening to the other side of an issue. One of the most troubling examples I have noticed are the passionate blog posts on Facebook who use fear and hate to motivate their readers (I hypocritically say as I argue for their right to be validated). But the Okasaki quote above has helped me strive to understand why they think the way they do, and why those on the other side of their argument feel the way they do. The Renaissance theme of humanism also adds an interesting lens to view today through, as I feel several very poignant issues deal with the nature of humans and what we understand about it.

With so many questions, striving to be grounded in my important convictions and humbly seeking charity and understanding toward others and their ideas is my best way to embrace ambiguity.