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| http://ldsliving.com/story/76642-are-single-lds-men-really-a-menace-to-society |
“Every man not married and over twenty-five is a menace to society.”
-Attributed to Brigham Young
The above quote attributed to Brigham Young is well known and it helps shape a culture of dating unique among Mormons. It turns out, however, that the quote may not be true at all. Whether or not it is true, dating and especially dating at BYU has its own curious culture. For many single students they look to dating with hope and pessimism. They envision fun and awkwardness. They expect to learn more about another but also know the conversation will be couched by strange cultural regulations forbidding too honest sharing. They are driven by counsel of prophets and apostles to use dating as a tool for finding a spouse. They, however, would rarely admit this truth (which everyone is well aware of) to their suitors/suitoresses (if that's even a word). The cross-currents of religious expectation and duty, popular culture, and hormones produces what has become known as the "game."
The game is played differently everywhere. BYU is just one place where the game is especially unique per the environment and players. Elsewhere going on multiple dates with multiple individuals in a short period of time is looked down upon. Expectations as to the purpose of dating - so uniform (relatively speaking) among BYU students - vary widely in other cultures and places.
In the celebrated musical Fiddle on the Roof cultural norms regarding finding a spouse are in flux. The viewer witnesses an attempted arranged marriage, a couple of self-decided marriages, and a vigorously opposed union. In that production the most successful union for all parties seemed to be the self-decided union which still conformed to most of the cultural norms. Following the cultural standards of the area in which one lives may well be the smartest route to take in this very confusing subject. Then again I've spoken to more than a few BYU students who would be happy to break cultural norms and submit themselves to arranged marriages. The game they say is just too hard to play. I find myself sympathetic to that point of view at times.
Marriage is one of the topics that I don't believe makes contemporary us want to emulate the past. The history of marriage (according to my non-specialist understanding) does not agree with the current feeling purpose and practices of marriage. Especially in LDS culture, marriage is turning to much more modern ideas and seems to be blending better with modern culture. Thinking about the renaissance, members' idea marriage seems to be moving away from the church's. In response to the movement away from church culture, the church has also moved to meet us in the middle with recent media changes. I think the topic that you chose shows a good resemblance between us and the people of the renaissance.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kekoa. I think it is interesting that dating and courtship are how they are today. We know that in earlier periods it would have been arranged by parents or by an other man with the father of the girl. In some cases, a man would come and offer a dowery to the father as soon as a daughter is born! I think it is crazy how different we view marriage today.
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