The Bald Truth: The Link Between Rome and my Balding Family

My grandparents and me on graduation night.  Look at
their glistening noggins!

My dad with his lovely baldness, again on graduation night.

My family has an unfortunate history of baldness.  Both my grandpas are bald, as are all of my uncles except one.  My dad shaved his head when he was 27 because he was balding far too much.  My brother (age 16) with his flowing locks estimates that his hair is far "over the hill" as it were.  Here is some lovely proof that my family are just a bunch of baldies.


Julius Caesar, the man himself, was also a baldy. In 1991, a team of tonsorial (which means of or relating to hair-dressing) anthropologists, using the handy methods of isotopes and electronic microscopy, created a computer-enhanced picture of Caesar's hairline.  Dr. Emmeline Granger, the project head at U.C Twentynine Palms said that she was shocked that Julius Caesar was so bald that "the total absence of follicle apertures...seemed more consistent with granite than with human scalp structure."  In fact, Julius might have worn his famous Laurel wreaths to cover his baldness.  Rather than use Rogaine, he also concocted a mixture of mice, horse teeth, bear grease, and deer to put on his head.  He also is credited to the pioneering of the ever-beautiful comb-over.  Who knew my family had so much in common with this great figure of Roman history?