Back in the 8th grade I fancied myself quite the thespian and
playwright. I had grown up dancing, and felt a draw to the lights and drama of
the stage--also the theater teacher was cool and all the kids who acted in the
plays were cool and naturally I gravitated toward all things that would help me
be cool.
Most days I got nervous, my hands got sweaty, I delivered some
mediocre monologue, and high-fived with lots of other 8th-graders--whose hands
were rarely as sweaty as mine--but all was usually well at Brockbank Junior.
One day however, our teacher stepped out to take care of whatever
business teachers take care of, and at the angsty age of 13 I was unofficially
left in charge of a classroom full of other angtsy teens.
I don’t remember the events in the majority of her absence,
but about five minutes before she returned two girls began shouting angry
phrases at one another. Phrases soon became slaps, and the dispute became very
physical. The last thing I remember from that day was the wild-eyed look on one
girls face as she clasped her hands around the neck of the other.
While the class was definitely in a chaotic state, it was
the personal chaos that has stuck with me all these years. As petty as the
fight began, I felt as though I saw something snap in her.
Violence fueled by rage is often also fueled by a social
component, as many have cited, however something personal has to happen—even when
acting with a “mob mentality”—that has a personal transformative power.
True chaos will always follow a snap like the one I observed
that day. Some part of the humanity we share is lost, and with it sensitivities
that protect order.
I can definitely relate to being drawn to anything that makes me cool... ha ha.
ReplyDeleteWhen we let our emotions get the best of us, we can do some pretty awful things. I think that self control was a huge part of what the renaissance was about. Exploring what man could do with humanism but then bridling it with the idea a sprezzatura - a code that gentlemen should adhere by. I know that what these girls fought about in drama that day wasn't worth the fight, but sometimes breaking the code is worth it. The best examples I can think of come from the book of Mormon when the Nephite armies war with the Lamanites. Each time they had thought out the reason they were going to war. But when the war was over, they were well-mannered people.